Speechless in South Carolina

Blog Prompt: "Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words?"~ Marcel Marceau Write about it... If you were speechless, how did you express your feelings?How did those around you react to the same situation? Was this a one-time occurrence, or do you frequently find yourself speechless in the face of these same circumstances? Who in your life has left you speechless?

First of all I have to admit, I talk too much. I know it and so does anyone who has been around me. I talk when I'm excited or worried or especially when I'm nervous. So, to be speechless is a big thing for me and it has to be a life altering event.

Well, it happened. Last November, my colleagues chose me as Teacher of the Year for our school for this upcoming year. Usually special ed teachers don't get this honor and I was surprised that anyone thought I was worthy of this honor. I'm not sure I even voted for myself! I had been thinking about retiring at the end of the school year and was feeling a little overwhelmed and discouraged with my class at the time. The school needed another teacher to help handle the big class size that I had but we couldn't find anyone. If we did, we would have to find them a classroom too. Due to the large class size, discipline was a daily issue, not to mention papers to grade. At the time, I wasn't looking for any honors or recognition, I just wanted relief! When I was told I had been chosen, I was stunned and couldn't say a word.

This past April I was told that I made it into the Top 10 Teachers of the Year in the District (of almost 5000 teachers) and the District winner will be announced on Aug. 15 (so please keep me in your prayers!). I have mixed feelings about winning. I dread having to make a speech if I win and I worry about the attention and publicity (there will be interviews for newspapers and TV). Yet, if I win, I would be so honored and thrilled that I will probably be speechless again! (This anticipation, excitement, and anxiety is stressing me out right now. )

Heartwarming Story

I had to share something with you that warmed my heart today. My church has 3 services (because we are so large) so I go to the 8am service (soon to be the 7:45 service). about 9 months ago I noticed a man sitting in the back of the church and he was wearing dirty clothes, looked dirty, and hungover. After a couple of weeks, another couple and I were talking about him and it was mentioned that he was a homeless person who started coming to our church. Today I noticed that he went up for communion and recieved communion; usually he goes up just for a blessing. I also noticed that he had on a clean white shirt and shorts on and he looked clean even if he still looked hungover. I found out that he never misses a week (which is better than me) and I've really been praying for him these past few months. He usually slips out the door before I ever get near where he was sitting, but I probably wouldn't have enough nerve to talk to him anyway. I am so thankful that I see the changes God is making in his life and it really made me glad for him.
(If any of you give food to the food banks, please think of donating more in the summer. I just found our local food bank and the shelves are practically bare. The man there said that it is full during the school year when the schools do canned food drives but in the summers, it is rough. I plan on making an effort to give at least 10 cans a week from now on.)

Advice to my Younger Self

Blog prompt: "What advice would you give your much younger self if you could?"

This was easy! Five simple words:
Talk less and listen more!

(In fact, I probably need to give that advice to my older self too!)

Tag: Get to know me!

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No!
2. Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster? Most definitely in addition to praying very hard!
3. When's the last time you've been sledding? When I was in college and we borrowed trays from the dining hall
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? I can not sleep unless my hubby is in bed with me.
5. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. I have had experience with some.
6. Do you consider yourself creative? Absolutely not.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Yes
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? (silly, I know ... but very "now") Jennifer Aniston
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? Yes. I enjoy watching West Wing.
10. Do you know how to play poker? A little but I never can remember what hand beats what.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?! Yes. I did this many times in college.
12. What's your favorite commercial? anything with the Geico ghecko
13. Who was your first love? It was a boy in my 4th grade class
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light? No. I'm too anal about following the rules.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? No. My life is an open book.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Yankees because I'm originally from NY
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?Yes. In the winter, the local lake would freeze over and then the firemen would check it out and let us know when it was safe for skating.
18. How often do you remember your dreams? Not very often
19. What's the one thing on your mind? My work which is teaching
20. Do you always wear your seat belt? Yes. It saved my life in an accident.
21. What talent do you wish you had? I wish I was creative.
22. Do you like Sushi? No.
23. What do you wear to bed? Long Tshirt
24. Do you truly hate anyone? No
25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? I guess my hubby would have to be famous first and then it would be him because I can't imagine sleeping with anyone else.
26. Do you know anyone in jail? Yes. My friend's son who made very bad decisions at a young age.
27. What food do you find disgusting? Escargot
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Sadly, yes and I'm very ashamed of it.
29. Have you ever been punched in the face? Yes.
30. Do you believe in angels and demons? Yes.

My Looks

When I was growing up I was never happy with my looks. First of all, I was too short and all my friends were taller. Then, I grew up as the only Chinese girl in a school full of White, Black, and Hispanic kids. That was pretty stressful because kids are just mean to someone who is different but there was no way to change that particular look (I'm not going to be like Michael Jackson!). Plus my parents were very old fashioned and I never dressed like the other kids. I never had name brand stuff (my dad worked in a restaurant and was sole provider for a family of 5) and my parents never let me wear pants to school like other kids (yes, young people, this was in the olden days!). This was in the 60s when it was the hippie era and I was dressing like an old lady. My dad wouldn't let me cut my hair which was down to my waist and I felt like I had lots of zits! Also, most orientals don't have a lot of body hair so when teenage girls were shaving, I wasn't.

Now, as a mature adult (and I use that term loosely), I am much happier with my looks. I feel I'm the perfect height to be with my husband. I am letting my hair grow longer after 20 years of being very short. I'm within 8 lbs. of my ideal weight and I don't have a lot of zits! I'm also ecstatic now about not needing to shave at all. Overall, I'm content with my own looks now. Wow, isn't it funny how your perceptions change when you grow up and see things from a different perspective?

Survivor Show

Blog Prompt: Do you think you could ever be on the TV reality show, Survivor? If so-why? What do you think would be your weakness's, strengths? If not-why?

No, I could never be on the Survivor Show. First of all, the idea of being on TV makes me break out into a rash! I couldn't stand it and would probably pass out in fright. Second and most important of all, I'm not a risk taker. I don't care how much money they offered me, I would not do well under pressure like that. I would want all of us to work together (that's the teacher in me!) so I guess that pretty well sums it up in a nutshell!

Problems with Today's Youth

I heard on the news today of two seventeen year olds who were to blame for a drive by shooting in a nearby town. They shot 30 times into a car that held three people. Now, I don't live in a big city so I'm always shocked to hear of such violence around me. More and more often I am hearing where teenagers and even younger kids are involved in violent acts. I truly believe the main culprit of all this violence is the steroids in our foods. Companies want bigger animals in order to make more money. Everything lately has to be "biggie sized." The best way to do this is to use steroids to get food "bigger and better."

I see this in the school district where I teach. Many of the 14 year old boys in 9th grade have beards and moustaches. Many of the 14 year old girls have babies at home. I have heard of more and more girls in 5th grade having babies. Children of both sexes are more physically mature than when I was growing up. Research has shown that steroids in athletes have made them more physically agressive and can cause anger. Does this not sound like a lot of teenagers in today's society?

I can't believe that I'm the only one who sees this so if the government sees this, why aren't they doing something about it? Why aren't there strict laws prohibiting steroids from our foods? Surely the FDA could test the foods and restrict it like they do so many other drugs from us. It may not solve our problems right away but I don't believe these problems developed overnight, so why not start today? I don't know what the answer is to this problem and I'm not sure how I could solve it but if I knew I would do my part. We try to eat more vegetables and less meat but I'm a meat lover so it is hard.

It saddens me to watch the news and hear that another young person has made a bad decision that will affect them the rest of their lives. I try to explain to my students that today when you can live to your 90s, making a bad decision in your teens can lead to a long and miserable life. Maybe I'll be able to save one child and it will all be worth the whining and ranting!

The Best Advice

The best advice I got was about 22 years ago when I first started teaching on the high school level. A fellow teacher told me that I needed to start taking care of myself before I could be a good caretaker of others. After 2 months at my new job, my daughter was having emotional problems, my husband lost his job, and my house caught on fire causing me to move in with my inlaws. Within 2 weeks of the fire, my hair started to come out by the hand fulls and I was completely bald by Christmas. The doctor kept asking me if I was under any stress and I didn't think I was because I believed I was handling all the things that were happening. After thousands of dollars worth of tests, the doctors shrugged my shoulders and said they didn't have any answers for me. They told me that my hair had fallen out by the roots and would never grow back. So, not knowing what else to do, my husband bought me a years membership into a fitness club near where we lived and encouraged me to go there an hour each evening. He made dinner every night and worked on homework with my daughters while I was gone. I think my situation scared him and he didn't know what to do for me. We decided that I needed to eat healthier and exercise more so I did that and amazingly, my hair grew back, contrary to doctor's beliefs! Now we believe that stress did that to me and whenever I am under stress, my hair starts to fall out. I just increase my walking, start focusing on my eating, and do a lot of relaxation exercises. I do better at helping others when I have taken care of mine own health first.

PS. Update to my marriage proposal: at first my dad wouldn't speak to my hubby. He was extremely rude to hubby by pretending he didn't even exist in the same room. I had to tell my dad that he was making me choose between them and it was really hurting me. I couldn't keep asking my hubby to be treated badly when he drove 700 miles 4 times a year for me to see my family. After that, each year my dad got a little better with being around my hubby. After 5 years, my dad and hubby finally talked to each other. When my mother died about 14 years ago, my dad started to date again and remarried 16 months after my mother's death. My dad asked my hubby to be best man at the wedding and to top it all off, my dad married a non-Chinese woman! (And we love her dearly!)

My Marriage Proposal

Blog Prompt: How were you proposed to? (if not yet married, how would you like to be proposed to?) And did you like your proposal, if you could choose one , what would you like to have happened?

I'm not sure we have an actual moment but we dated over 3 years and had started when I was a college student. Don was 7 years older than me, divorced, and had custody of his 2 daughters. At times we both felt like we loved each other and wanted to get married. Unfortunately, these times were not at the SAME time. So, since we didn't actually feel the same at the same time, we waited. When I graduated from college, I didn't want to begin my new life as a new wife, a new mom, and a new teacher and I wanted to be independent for a year. So, I rented an apartment right across the hall from him and that was almost like living together. In December I was going to Florida to visit my parent for Christmas and the discussion came up about both of our apartment leases ending in June. He suggested that we move in together and I said that was unacceptable. First off, I was not brought up that way so it felt wrong to me and another is that my parents would disown me and never speak to me again. So, he told me to tell my parents we would get married in June. I was thrilled because I was ready to get married.

Now, fast forward this to a week later in Florida. Don calls me up from South Carolina to ask me if I've told my parents yet and how did they take it. I quietly told him that I hadn't told them yet because it didn't seem like the right time. Of course, I didn't tell him that my dad had fixed me up with 2 blind dates to try to persuade me away from him! (My dad didn't like Don at all because he was divorced, had children, and was not Chinese and would probably disown me if I married him.) There must have been bad vibes going through the phone lines, because the next morning there was a knock on the door. There stood Don at the door after a 10 hour drive through the night. Needless to say I was shocked but I knew I had to get my dad out of the house to break the news to him because I didn't want them in the same space when I told him. But this is when I knew in my heart Don loved me! And this gave me the courage to disobey my father for the first time in my life. We have been together happily for 24 years!

My Speaking Voice vs. My Writing Voice

I pretty much write like I speak. Of course, it might come from being a teacher and modeling so much for my students. But, I usually write like I speak. And sometimes when I'm with my husband, we tend to mimic phrases from other people that get on our nerves. Some friends of ours always say "All set?" and it constantly gets on my nerves. It is not the actual phrase but the tone and the persistence when they use it. Another is the word, "Duh!" when I want to mimic my students (oh c'mon, teachers need their little thrills too!). The only other phrase I can think that I use is "Knock on wood!" when I'm afraid I've pressed my luck and don't want bad luck to happen to me. But the best thing about writing is the ability to edit. Sometimes my fingers don't work as fast as my brain and I leave out letters or what I write doesn't make any sense so I'm able to correct what I have written.

Now when I talk, I'm always saying the wrong thing. If someone needs sympathy because of death or illness or an accident, I always feel like giggling. It is not because I find anything funny but because I'm so nervous. I always tell my friends ahead of time that if we find ourselves in this kind of situation, I want to apologize in advance. I never know the right things to say and usually say the wrong things. My other favorite saying is "The only time I open my mouth is to change feet!"

Identifying Chip

The Blog prompt for Monday was: If it would be possible to implant some type of chip that would provide identifying information as well as something like a GPS system into a person's body, would you do it? Would you put it into your child when he/she was first born?If you would do it, what type of information would you consider having the chip contain? What could be done to change your mind?If you wouldn't do it, why? What could be done to change your mind?What do you think the ramifications would be for this idea? What negatives and positives would come from it?

No, I would not put a chip into my child at all because I feel that it is a total violation of a person's privacy. I would not want one in me and definitely would not inflict it on my child. Government now is getting to be too much of "Big Brother is Watching" and somehow I see the government finding a way to use this chip for their advantage. I'm not saying my child (or myself) would do something criminal but I could see the government using it for political or social reasons and that scares me. If I was worried about someone taking my child, I would just keep a close watch on my child like I should be doing anyway. We can't live our lives in fear but I think we can keep a watch on our children because we love them and don't want them hurt in any way. As they grow, we teach them rules of society, manners, and values. So when they are away from us, we need to trust them and allow them to grow. With a chip in them, I think this will hinder their growth and not teach them to be independent or think for themselves because they will know we are always watching.

Taking a stand about teaching

Today I was asked to take a stand about something I strongly believe in. Of course, as a teacher, this is just one of the many things that I strongly believe in but here it is...

I strongly believe that we need to build up children's self esteem. So many of my special ed students in my class have such low self esteem that they can not learn. It is not a matter of them being able to learn but a matter of them wanting to learn. If they don't even feel worthy to have a life, how can I expect to teach them anything? I spend the first month of school building their self esteem and literally feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle against the parents (who say the child is just not studying hard enough and has been dumb all his life), other teachers (who say the child is just not studying hard enough and is just plain dumb and have told the parents this), the peers (who say their friend is funny and likeable if he acts up in class), and other students (who say he is different and weird and doesn't "belong" to their group). I give lots of assignments where the student makes lots of good grades and then I call home on a weekly basis to let the parents know how wonderful the student is doing. You wouldn't believe how many parents ask me if I'm calling the right number and talking about their child! This is so sad! I've had some parents tell me that this is the first phone call in 9 years where anyone had anything good to say about their child. Boy, now that makes me mad! I use lots of praise and positive reinforcement because these students are so used to punishment and negative comments. These students are so capable but if they feel everyone is going to kick them when they are down, why bother trying to get up. As the students become more successful and start feeling good about themselves, I start giving them more challenging work. By the end of the year, the students are learning and thriving, which is so important. Every piece of paper they turn in for a grade has to have our class motto on it which is "I am a Born Winner!" No work will be accepted if this isn't on it. When I have my students evaluate me at the end of the year, many of them say this was the best thing that helped them. I truly value my students and wish I could get others to do so too.

Thank you for taking time to read this and I hope I have made you think. If you are a parent, please try to find at least one good thing that your child has done and point it out every day. Talk to your children about encouraging their friends to do the right thing instead of giving attention when they act up. Also talk about children who don't fit in (maybe a physical or learning disability) and how they can be a better person around them. If you are a teacher, try to find one positive thing about your student, even if it is one you can't stand. Talk to your students about why some children misbehave and brainstorm ways your class can help those students. Above all, remember to value children because they are our future!

My Weird Pet

If I was like Doctor Doolitte and could have an unusual pet, I would love to have a dragon. I don't want a mean vicious dragon but one more like Puff, the Magic Dragon. It would intimidate people who scared me but be loving and kind to my friends. It would also keep me company when I was lonely or fly me somewhere if I needed to go places. My dragon would be self sufficient so I wouldn't have to feed it or care for it but it would be there if I needed it. It would be a happy dragon who could lift me up when I'm down in the dumps and give me sympathy when I was having a pity party. Yes, I believe if I could have any kind of pet, this would be an ideal one!

If I found $100...

If I found $100, I would run to the store to buy flowers for my yard. I know that sounds so selfish because there is so much need out there in the world, but a selfish streak just hit me! I love to drool over the plants at Lowes and Home Depot but I usually talk myself out of buying them. I keep telling myself that I need to buy a dress for this important breakfast coming up and I'm spending money on our trip to Washington DC and I'm spending money on scrapbooking etc. so I feel too guilty to buy plants. I have decided that after the trip to DC, I am going to budget my money and I will spend about $20 each week for the rest of the summer (about 4 weeks) buying plants for my garden. Another reason I don't want to buy them is that if we are gone, I won't be here to water them and I don't want to ask someone else to do this. I was in Charleston this weekend and saw some beautiful gardens and I felt jealous! Then today, I went to a friend's house with a beautiful garden! I am committed to making my gardens look pretty...as soon as I return from DC!

Alignment

When asked, "Is the inner you aligned with the outer you?", it made me struggle how to answer this. I would love to say yes, because I think the perfect person should be able to say yes. But unfortunately, I'm very far from perfection. I think I portray an outer person who is outgoing, confident, funny, and talks easily with people. But the inner person in me knows that I'm shy, nervous, and very unsure of myself. I think I have a little inferiority complex in me too that I try not to show. I talk way too much, a lot of the time out of nervousness. Then I worry when I'm alone about, "Did I say too much? Did I sound like a nerd? Did I say stupid stuff?" etc. I feel like a fraud and have to give myself a lot of pep talks. I feel like I have to work at this on a daily basis and sometimes it wears me out. But I guess that is why God didn't make me perfect because life is not an easy thing and shouldn't be!

Outdoors and Sticky

We are in Charleston, SC for the next 2 days while my hubby is attending some meetings so I plan to relax a lot here. This morning I woke up early and planned to go walking but hubby insisted on eating breakfast together first. Then I dropped him off at the hotel and decided to walk across the new Ravenel Bridge across the Cooper River. It is about 2 miles across (that's what the desk clerk said) and I just walked to the top to take pictures. I can't wait to scrap the pictures but here is a picture as a preview! It was beautiful outdoors but it got sticky fast! The humidity feels high and as the sun came up, it just got hotter!

My Computer Space

On an earlier blog and in my scrapbook gallery, I posted a picture of my computer space so here it is again in case you missed it:

http://www.digitalscrapbookplace.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=101892&cat=500&ppuser=40723

I like to watch the birds come to my water garden for a drink while I'm on the computer. In this room is my treadmill, a pool table, and our hot tub. That is why this room is labeled "The Play Room." I like to get on the computer after I have walked on the treadmill and before the sun comes up. Once the sun comes up, I have to go out and garden until I get too hot and need a break which is usually in an hour or two. Then I play on the computer some more until I cool off. This little corner is my favorite corner of the room. Thanks for looking!

What Actress Would Portray Me?

I guess the only actress I could think of would be Ming-Na. She is the actress who played June in the movie Joy Luck Club. Since I am Chinese and there aren't many Chinese actresses, I felt I had a choice of Ming-Na or Connie Chung! Besides that I think Ming-Na is beautiful and I loved the movie Joy Luck Club, which reflected a lot of feelings that I grew up with. If you have never seen the movie, it is well worth the time!

Fairy Tale Character

This is almost embarrassing but I will do my best to tell the truth. I always thought when I was that I was Cinderella when I was about 10 years old. Growing up in a Chinese household was different than my friends who weren't Chinese because I felt like my parents were old fashioned and strict. I was also the youngest of 3 girls and pretty spoiled (I know that now, but not then!) My oldest sister was sick with lupus and my middle sister had married and moved away. Of course I was ten years younger than my middle sister so I was almost like an only child. On Saturdays before I could go out and play, I had to make up my bed and clean my room. Then I had to vaccuum and mop the basement floor and dust. Every day after dinner I had to help wash dishes and put them all away before I could play. On weekdays I was expected to practice my accordion and do all my homework in addition to dishes before I could go out to play. Now, my schedule was always opposite the other kids in the neighborhood who seemed to play first before chores so when I was free to play, they were all inside their own homes. This made me pretty lonely and I felt like Cinderella. For a while I had it in my mind that I was an abused child and some day I would be rescued from the government who would punish my parents for child labor (I would pretend I was The Little Princess too)! What an idiot I was back then! Can't you see the government upset because I had chores and homework was enforced! Not to mention the sacrifices that were made to get me accordion lessons! No one said that small children are the smartest in the world!

Independence Day

I had a wonderful day of doing nothing except what I wanted to do! I was totally lazy and didn't do any housework (which I hate to do) and went out and gardened twice (which I really enjoy doing!). My day revolved around eating mostly. I walked on the treadmill at 5:30am and then we went out to eat breakfast. When I came home I went out to garden while it was still cool and then played on my computer until we went out to lunch. After lunch I went out and gardened some more and then played on the computer until dinnertime. I actually cooked dinner which turned out good (both of these are rare so it was exciting!). After dinner, we watch a movie called Taxi and then we went out for ice cream. After that we came home and I read a book and watched TV until 11:30. My hubby was wonderful all day and basically left me alone to do whatever I wanted to do and he did whatever he wanted to do which was play with his stamp and baseball collection all day. It was a glorious day!

Independence

Independence is very important to me. It involves freedom and choice. I want to be independent enough to make the choices that are best for me. I want to be able to support myself if the need arose and be educated enough to know what my options are. I love my husband more than anything in the world but if anything ever happened to him, I want to be independent enough to survive. Before we got married, I graduated from college and we waited a year so that I could live alone and learn to support myself. I didn't depend on family or friends in order to pay my bills, feed myself, or enjoy life on a day to day basis. This doesn't mean that I isolated myself from my family and friends but I had confidence in my ability to survive. Independence means also that I am able to make the choice of being emotionally attached to people. It gives me the freedom to trust others and open myself to their ideas and feelings. There is also a lot of responsibility attached to independence. I need to respect others rights to independence even if it something I do not agree with. I need to understand that other's need for independence is just as important to them as it is for me and sometimes those needs may conflict or overlap. I also need to know that Independence may involve give and take as long as I don't compromise my values. These are choices that I have the ability to make. Without independence, I would not have freedoms or choices.

Write a Poem

Yesterday our prompt was to write a poem and I saw it while I worked at my husband's office. I used to write poems in my younger days but haven't done it in a long time. The last poem I wrote was for my great-niece when she was born. I thought about it all day and all night and could not come up with a poem. Finally this morning, something popped in my head and here it is! Hope you enjoy it!


I had to write a poem for my blog
But my brain is not wanting to think
I thought of poems of nature or kids
But I guess my brain’s on the blink!

I really want to write a good poem
But I can’t think of words that will rhyme
And if you hadn’t asked me to do this
I could do it all of the time!

I guess I’ll just give it up.
I really tried to give it a chance.
I’m just not good at poetry
So I’ll go out and water my plants!

Inspiration

I had a hard time with this one so thought about it a lot today. I get inspired by different things for different things I want to do. So finally, I decided to write about what inspires me to have a positive outlook on life.

I dragged my hubby on a hike with 17 other people up the Chattooga River. We started out by fording the river (almost thigh high) and then hiking 3 miles up the river to get to a big rock outcropping for lunch and swimming. Then we had to hike 3 miles back and ford the river again to get back to our car. Well, all this leads up to the fact that whenever I am hiking and look around at all the beauty that God has made I keep believing that if I trust in God, my life will be the way it is meant to be. Just like today's hike, sometimes life is a struggle, sometimes I have to ford a river and work hard, and sometimes I get to lazily lay out on a rock and enjoy the sunshine, or sometimes I get to go swimming and have lots of active fun. Yet, all of this is not a coincidence and I have no power over the miracles around me or what is happening in the world around me. I DO have control over how I act and react to all of this and if I believe in God, I will work hard to do what is right and what I need to do to achieve my goals.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense because it is hard to put into words. I sometimes worry that I have a too simple minded view of God and my beliefs but for right now, it works for me.